She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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