the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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