my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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