I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
