Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
