Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
