Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
