Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
