Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
