at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
third nipple confirmed
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
