At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
