so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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