If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
