John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
