I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
