it's too hot outside to masturbate.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
