Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
