...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
