I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
