Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
