a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
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