were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
