Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
