I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
