Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
This girl is more easily done than said...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
