dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
