I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
