I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
