my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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