if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
