think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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