You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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