I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
