Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
