Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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