I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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