return my video game
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
