yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
