I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
