I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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