Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
