I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
