Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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