I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
