He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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