Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
