Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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