hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
