You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
