She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
