We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
